{"id":3218,"date":"2020-02-04T13:06:03","date_gmt":"2020-02-04T13:06:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mangoprism.com\/staging\/5310\/?p=3218"},"modified":"2020-12-05T16:59:23","modified_gmt":"2020-12-05T16:59:23","slug":"just-like-other-girls-the-faux-vulnerability-of-trick-mirror","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mangoprism.com\/staging\/5310\/just-like-other-girls-the-faux-vulnerability-of-trick-mirror\/","title":{"rendered":"Just like other girls"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

We awoke to a brave new world: one in which it is marginally more OK to criticize Jia Tolentino. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In January, Lauren Oyler published a searing review<\/a> of Trick Mirror <\/em>in the London Review of Books<\/em>. Oyler\u2019s critique was essentially twofold: first, that Tolentino\u2019s self-centered writing allows her to \u201cmake any observation about the world lead back to [her] own [life] and feelings, though it should be the other way round;\u201d and second, that her \u201cPR-style\u201d persona preemptively undermines any genuinely risky ideas she might otherwise seem inclined to explore. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This could have been significant for Tolentino, resident darling of the literary world, who had yet to receive any major bad press on her first book of essays. But Oyler\u2019s criticisms were unfortunately obscured by her own hair-splitty, exasperated prose; even on Twitter, the piece blew over quickly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wondered, though, if Oyler might be onto something (at least more than the net-unanimous critical praise of Trick Mirror <\/em>would lead us to believe). What if we allowed ourselves to ask, even privately: In what ways did this book alienate me from\u2014rather than connect me to\u2014my experience of navigating the world?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As is the case for many young women writers, Jia Tolentino exists in my life as the de facto aspirational model. If her professional success wasn\u2019t enough, her public persona is, well, perfect: she brings weed on her <\/a>New Yorker<\/em><\/a> reporting trips<\/a>, forgets her own anniversary,<\/a> <\/em>and is the exact right amount #dead and grateful to have made it on Obama\u2019s best-of-2019 list.<\/a> <\/em>More than her intellectual horsepower or reporting chops, it\u2019s this realness<\/em>\u2014or, rather, this expertly crafted \u201crelatable\u201d character\u2014that has cemented her as our It<\/em> girl. To a certain extent, we read her because we want to be like her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, the hope was that Trick Mirror <\/em>might provide rawer insight into the way Jia understands her choices and in turn, offer us some useful self-reflection. But although she presents as ambitious, whip-smart, fun-loving, and cool, by the end of the book, I didn\u2019t really see<\/em> her in it\u2014in fact, I found her completely invulnerable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While Trick Mirror<\/em> explicitly concerns self-image and self-obscuration, we never really get a resonant portrayal of how it all works on the ground. In \u201cAlways Be Optimizing,\u201d Jia does veer into self-exposure: Of her obsession with barre class, she wonders, \u201cWhy have I sunk thousands of dollars over the past decade into ensuring that I can abuse my body\u2026 without changing the way it looks?\u201d She admits to buying Spanx and feeling like \u201ca bad imitation of a woman whose most deeply held personal goal was to look hot in pictures.\u201d But these ruminations fall flat: they feel more like a performance of stock insecurities than an airing of genuine vulnerability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Jia does<\/em> share about her personal life generally serves to elevate her above the rest of us, rather than elucidate common anxieties. Take the book\u2019s final chapter, \u201cI Thee Dread,\u201d in which she attempts to thoughtfully critique the modern institution of marriage by performing a balls-to-the-wall takedown of weddings. I\u2019ll summarize:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Weddings! They\u2019re so expensive, they\u2019re so garish, the pageantry of it all is so brutally depressing. Any logical feminist would\u2014and should\u2014see through the whole hoax. It\u2019s a commercialized, overly theatrical scheme for people to get drunk and make false promises. How do all these smart women fall for such a trap of capitalism and patriarchy?<\/em> Jia seems genuinely stumped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Okay, yeah, rich people are annoying. That chick\u2019s veil was gauche. But are ostentatious weddings really the core problem with marriage<\/em>? Besides, what about how it feels<\/em>, how it really feels<\/em>, to age as a woman and reconsider what \u201csecurity\u201d means? What about the negotiations between the seemingly incompatible desires for intimacy and autonomy? What about the centuries of accumulated historical experience that warn against being a single woman? Rather than wrestling with these knottier questions, Jia brushes off the whole matter with a simple explanation that she\u2014unlike the swarms of ostensibly unthinking, normal women whose weddings she attends\u2014just has a \u201csense of incompatibility with the word \u2018wife\u2019\u201d (except in the internet-y context<\/a>, of course).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So we can see how Oyler concluded that Jia\u2019s writing feels \u201cdesigned to set her apart from\u201d\u2014rather than relate her to\u2014other women. But the problem isn\u2019t only that Jia is too self-absorbed, it\u2019s that she\u2019s not self-interrogating enough.<\/em> Ultimately, she doesn\u2019t get us to feel <\/em>anything, because she\u2019s merely signaling \u201cvulnerability\u201d without actually letting her guard down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For what it\u2019s worth, here\u2019s what I want: I want to see Jia decide to go blonde. I want to see her mourn a breakup. I want to see her draft the perfect caption, equal parts ironic and sincere. I want to see her navigate a female friendship fraught with jealousy and competition. I want to see her awake at midnight, stalking beautiful women on Instagram, zooming in and cocking her head to check for evidence of FaceTune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And here\u2019s the thing: writing through these pedestrian experiences would not require her to abandon her intellectual project or relegate Trick Mirror<\/em> to mere memoir. In fact, they might prove more useful vehicles through which to examine the social, political, and technological systems that have produced our current collective malaise. If nothing else, we\u2019d trust her more\u2014as a guide, as a friend\u2014if she showed up just as vain, just as fearful, just as maniacally self-conscious as the rest of us. \u25a9<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We awoke to a brave new world: one in which it is marginally more OK to criticize Jia Tolentino. In January, Lauren Oyler published a searing review of Trick Mirror in the London Review of Books. 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