{"id":846,"date":"2014-11-20T22:31:46","date_gmt":"2014-11-21T02:31:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mangoprism.com\/staging\/5310\/?p=846"},"modified":"2020-09-18T14:38:51","modified_gmt":"2020-09-18T14:38:51","slug":"nba-all-sexy-squad-2014-15","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mangoprism.com\/staging\/5310\/nba-all-sexy-squad-2014-15\/","title":{"rendered":"NBA All-Sexy Squad 2014-15"},"content":{"rendered":"

As a generic white dude sports fan, I\u2019m genetically obligated to get excited about the end of summer. The NFL season begins, college football kicks off, and high school football finally gets under way. My favorite sports blogs begin in-season coverage of football and fantasy football starts to really heat up. And blah blah blah stuff happens with baseball and hockey.<\/p>\n

But as great as these past few months have been for anyone who enjoys yelling at supreme athletes, nothing puts some pep in my step like the start of the NBA. Let\u2019s face it, as great as football, baseball, and hockey are, they\u2019re not exactly sexy sports. Linemen with wobbly bellies oozing over spandex? First basemen with dead eyes and colonial woodsman beards, spewing brown sludge? [Hockey position] with\u2026well who knows what hockey players even look like under all that padding and crusted blood?<\/p>\n

But that NBA\u2026now that\u2019s a sexy sport. Tank tops and shorts? Check. Chiseled bods? Check. Sweaty dudes gritting and grinding up against each other? Oh yeah. Masks, hats, and helmets that obscure player\u2019s faces? Yeah right!<\/p>\n

So I could tell you about my favorite teams, preseason expectations, player analysis, and so forth, but really, what better way to celebrate the start of the NBA season than running through some of basketball’s sexiest stars?<\/p>\n

Starting Five:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1) Kobe<\/p>\n

\"kobe\"<\/a>Kobe is sexy, but that barely begins to describe Jellybean Jr. Beautiful and sleek, Kobe is the Porsche x Dolphin x Denzel m\u00e9nage a trois lovechild you want, we love, and the NBA deserves. You\u2019ve seen Kobe in interviews: it is impossible to deny that Kobe just has IT<\/em>. He commands. Kobe is the Mona Lisa of the NBA Louvre \u2013 it doesn\u2019t matter how it looks, people need to stand in line to see it. Never retire, Kobe!<\/p>\n

2) Klay Thompson<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Klay\u2019s stock has been soaring recently, but you know the Golden State Warriors didn\u2019t just grant Klay a monster extension because he\u2019s a premier two-way talent on the basketball floor; Klay also is a two-way talent in the looks department \u2013 country humble aw-shucks boy next door \u201clets catch fireflies in a jar\u201d one way, goatee-bedazzled Bar Mitzvah \u201cwhy don\u2019t you come upstairs for a drink\u201d lothario the other. Watch out Steph, the baby face is cute and all but don\u2019t be too surprised if Klay is the Warrior\u2019s face (and bod) of the future.<\/p>\n

3) Serge Ibaka<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As you might know, Ibaka grew up in the Republic of the Congo. I don\u2019t know a ton about the Republic of the Congo, but I know it\u2019s in Africa and it seems reasonably clear that they do not have a very fundamental appreciation for Congolese sex pots. How did this guy even make it to a basketball court without a barrage of modeling agents raining money on him??? If (heaven forbid) Serge dropped out of the NBA tomorrow morning, he would have a modeling contract before lunch and be strutting down a runway before dinner.<\/p>\n

4) Meyers Leonard<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Oh what, did you think we were only dealing with All-Stars? Sexiness doesn\u2019t stop at the starters. That being said, I can\u2019t believe Meyers is having trouble getting in the game, he freakin\u2019 looks like a high school prom king quarterback class president swim team captain who also happens to be a distant cousin of Hercules. Terry Stotts, if you\u2019re reading this, maybe stop trying to run plays that capitalize on basketball talent and start letting Leonard just run around the court and coyly wink at the other team. Swooning opponents = easy buckets.<\/p>\n

5) Marc Gasol<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Full disclosure: I have a thing for handsome white dudes who throw caution to the wind and grow kinda-ugly beards (See: Rodgers, Aaron or Kershaw, Clayton). It\u2019s like they\u2019re saying, \u201cYeah I know I\u2019d be sexier clean shaven, but I\u2019m a hella rich professional athlete, are you really not gonna pop a boner just cuz of a little stubble?\u201d Respect.<\/p>\n

(On this note – I can\u2019t get a read on Anthony Davis\u2019 unibrow\u2026is it a tight IDGAF move or a Harden \u201cooh look at my beard\u201d marketing move\u2026hard to say.)<\/p>\n

Kevin Love would be the obvious choice here, but a California-boy who turns his back on the Warriors is a traitor and betrayal is never a sexy look.<\/p>\n

Okay, there\u2019s your starting five. I know what you\u2019re thinking, \u201chey @OGMapz<\/a> ya dork you have two shooting guards and three big men, that\u2019s not a starting lineup for basketball!!\u201d Well, actually you\u2019re the dork; this list would be four point guards and a quarterback if the situation demanded it. The situation is sexiness and sexiness is those two shooting guards and three big men.<\/p>\n

[polldaddy poll=8465705]<\/p>\n

All-Sexy Second Team:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1) Marco Belinelli
\nHell yes Bellineli, you handsome son of a bitch. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s more wet, Belinelli\u2019s three-point stroke or everybody\u2019s panties when Bellineli struts into the room.<\/p>\n

2) Shane Battier
\nTechnically retired, but I still can\u2019t get the erotic tapestry that is Battier singing \u201cI Want it That Way\u201d<\/a> in a tank alongside Greg Oden and Ken Jeong. Too hot to cut, I gotta give him a special retirement-exemption.<\/p>\n

3) Kevin Garnett
\nTall, dark, and handsome, and psychotically competitive. Every girl\u2019s dreamboat.<\/p>\n

4) Courtney Lee
\nProbably the most classically hot player in the NBA. He looks like Omarion or some R&B singer you\u2019d get irrationally upset with your lady for being a little TOO into.<\/p>\n

5) Kris Humphries
\nLook I\u2019m not any happier about this than you, but there\u2019s a reason Kim married him and it isn\u2019t his basketball skills.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a generic white dude sports fan, I\u2019m genetically obligated to get excited about the end of summer. The NFL season begins, college football kicks off, and high school football finally gets under way. My favorite sports blogs begin in-season coverage of football and fantasy football starts to really heat up. And blah blah blah […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3858,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[21,99,239,241,243,244,245,276,277,288,313,396,401,414,420],"contributors":[],"seasons":[479],"class_list":["post-846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sports","tag-all-nba","tag-courtney-lee","tag-kevin-garnett","tag-klay-thompson","tag-kobe","tag-kobe-bryant","tag-kris-humphries","tag-marc-gasol","tag-marco-belinelli","tag-meyers-leonard","tag-nba","tag-serge-ibaka","tag-shane-battier","tag-sports","tag-studmuffin","seasons-479"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNBA All-Sexy Squad 2014-15 - Mangoprism<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mangoprism.com\/staging\/5310\/nba-all-sexy-squad-2014-15\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"NBA All-Sexy Squad 2014-15 - Mangoprism\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As a generic white dude sports fan, I\u2019m genetically obligated to get excited about the end of summer. 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